court and the kids
Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007 - 9:38 a.m.

We had another court appearance yesterday in regards to the custody of baby A. It was pretty much a normal "check in" type affair. The judge looked at all the reports and saw that J is progressing as she is supposed to. Nothing changed. J requested unsupervised visits. The judge said that once everyone involved (the GAL, social worker, and her lawyer)agreed to move forward with that they just had to send a request to the courts and they would consider and then let them know. They don't have to appear in court for that. Our next court date is February 19th. What will happen then? Pretty much the same as what happened yesterday. Then we won't have another court appearance until May. Baby A will be two years old at that point.
J read the whole report yesterday. All she could say to me was "I don't agree with this" and "this is b.s." Although she knew it was all true, and accurate and things she needs to do. When I point that out all the can say then is "I'm doing the best I can". I HATE that statement. It's such a flipping cop out!!! It makes me so angry. Everytime she says that now I turn to her and say something along the lines of "maybe that's not good enough". So, if your "best" is that you only get high for a month once a year, and only neglect your daguther for that one month instead of the whole year. Well, I'm sorry but That's Not Good Enough!!!!! Jesus H. She just doesn't get it. She is so frustrating.
So baby A will be two years old by the time she may be going back to her mom. She was 15 months when she came to live with us. Our house is life as she knows it now. The transition to our house was fairly easy, I think, because she was fairly young. She had spent almost every other weekend with us from birth and a few days here and there. When she goes back to her mom she will have been away for almost a year. She won't have gone to her moms house every other weekend. She is older and more aware of her surroundings. She has already formed a very close bond with S and her brother. She is going to miss us. We are going to miss her. I hate this part of it. I can't parent half ass. I love her and take care of her as if she were going to spend the rest of her life with us. That's the only way I know how. I can't just get sort of attached because she may go back to her mom some day!
I don't think my daughter ever really even thinks about that part of it. She only thinks about herself. Not about how her actions affect everyone. And not just for a little while, but forever. How is E going to feel when his sister is yanked away from him after a year and he stops seeing his mom again? J definitely won't come around twice a week, or even once a week for that matter, once she gets custody back. It's all too much sometimes and makes me so sad for those babys.
I'm just frustrated. I want closure on this one way or the other. But I don't see any end in sight. I don't think there really is an end to this.

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