shocked and saddened all in one swift motion
Thursday, Dec. 13, 2007 - 7:51 a.m.

"I don't want to be a parent", my daughter said.
"Why?", I asked.
She shrugged her shoulders.
"It's too late now", I said.
"No it's not", she said.
Me......puzzled look.

Does she say these things in hopes that I will say something philosophical that may make her want to still be a parent? Does she say these things to see if she can still shock me? (She can but I don't let her know that) Or did she say it to warn me that we will, in fact, be raising baby A forever? Personally, I think it's the last two.

A long time ago I had a conversation with my mom about kids. She said that some women have kids but they shouldn't. She said some women just weren't meant to be mothers. I didn't fully understand it at the time. I think I was probably about 15 or 16 years old. I knew I was going to be a mother. It's just the way it was. As you grow up and get married you just Are a mother. You have kids, that's what you do. I thought all women felt that way.

Well, now I understand what my mom meant. And it's true. Some women should not become mothers. I think my daughter was one of them. How do you sit at my kitchen table with two BEAUTIFUL children playing in the next room and tell me you don't want to be a parent? If you can say that the way she said it then you don't have any business being a parent. What I really wanted to say was "then let's stop the charade right here and now". I don't want to go to court anymore than she does. I don't want to play this game any longer if the end result (that my daughter already seems to know) is that I will be raising your daughter forever also.

She makes me weary. Truly weary.

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