posting but probably not done ranting
Monday, Feb. 11, 2008 - 1:45 p.m.

The weekend was the weekend. E went to his daddy's. A was home all weekend, of course, because there is nowhere else for her to go. She's not whining anymore now that she isn't sick. Thank goodness.
How do I get past the superficial and let it all out? Without sounding whiney. I always think if I go too deep I am just being a whiner. Maybe I just need to remember this is a place of record. To keep track of events in my life that are significant. Sometimes I just think all the events start running together and sound like all the events of the past.
I didn't confront J about the last event. If I continue to "out" her, she will continue to close up more and hide events in her life that are very important regarding the safety and wellbeing of her daughter. I will let "the powers that be" know that piece of s*** daddy is still in her life, but I will not let her know that I know. And I will not reveal my sources to the powers that be, because, apparently they don't know what to do with that information. And, I'm tired of my daughter clamming up and/or lying about what's going on. Damn. I hate this. Twenty five years ago at this time I would have never thought I would be sitting here in the situation I am in. Sad. It's just sad. My daughter has no thought or regard for anyone else. She comes over for her bi-weekly two hour visit on Sunday and has the nerve to tell me she is going to go home and take a nap. Does she realize how much that infuriates me? Does she realize how much we are truly put out (not in the eyes of the well being of those kids, of course) by her actions? She doesn't see ANY of that!! Nothing. We are supposed to be empty-nesters at this point. I should have a home that is too big for me. I should be sleeping my Sunday afternoons away. S should not be changing dirty diapers or getting up at 5:00a.m. unless he wants to. Yet J thinks nothing of all of this. I don't know how to get past this. I know I made the choice (if there is one as a grandparent) to take both of these children in. It's still hard. I will continue to work on getting past my anger for my daughter.

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